When Speedy Boarding goes wrong

I’m quite happy to buy speedy boarding when it’s going to be to my advantage, but I’ve learnt quite quickly where to spot when it’s not such a good deal.

If the price at Gatwick is £8 and the price on the way back is £8 then it’s probably fair to assume that it’s an air bridge in both cases. When it is £8 at Gatwick and £5 at Cologne there is a pretty large chance that there is likely to be a bus journey involved.

And this is where the problems arise.

The Speedy Boarders get called forward first and take their seats on the bus. Then the Families with young children and those with special assistance board the bus, then the general boarding starts, onto the first bus, and then onto the second bus behind.

This means that the very last person to walk through the gate (me in this case) squeezes themselves into the bus, jammed up against the now closed doors and the buses set off.

The buses get to the plane and open their doors. First out of the doors and up the steps would be... me, I was right by the doors not jammed in the middle of the bus, in fact the very last people to board are those who have paid for speedy boarding.

Yes, you got a seat on the bus for the 5 minute boarding process and the 90 second drive to the plane, having paid at least £5 for the privilege.

I got the first choice of seats for the 60 minute flight back to the UK having paid nothing, and been able to stay seated at the gate until there were only three people left to go through!

Get to the gate on time

It was once called being a little odd, why would you want to be standing at the departures gate an hour before the plane is even due to land.

Today, with the low-cost airlines and the scrum of boarding (or Self Loading Freight as some in the airline industry refer to the passengers) there appears to be nothing wrong with running straight from the front of the checkin queue through security and to the gate to be the first to board.

The airlines appear to have everyone so well trained now that you end up with the bizarre scene I witnessed today at Cologne airport.

As the flight was back to the UK, outside of the Schengen zone, you have to pass through a passport check before you leave Germany. This means that the gates for the flights to the UK are the other side of some passport booths and a screen.

Once checkin had opened the first waves of passengers flooded through only to be stopped in their tracks at passport control by the total lack of any border police.

And there they stood, for the next 45 minutes, not bothering to wander through the terminal building, not bothering even to sit in the very pleasant restaurant right by passport control that I had settled myself into.

Then, 30 minutes before we had to be at the gate, a border police officer got into a booth, and within a couple of seconds a 60 person, at least, queue had formed for people to file through, so that they could wander down to the departure gate, where there were no facilities.

I finished my meal and drink and was about the one before last customer to go through, as the police officer who checked my passport appeared to finish his shift as soon as he had seen me through.

Perhaps there might be a happy medium between rushing for the gates and waiting to be final called.

Oh yes, it’s speedy boarding...

Köln/Bonn – Not just an airport, instructions as well

When I last came to the airport in 2004 they were in the process of finishing off building works on the new terminal train station.

The trains were going to link the airport to the city centre in speed and comfort and replace the coach journey.

Unfortunately, I’d taken that to mean both city centres, not just Cologne.

Bonn is still linked by a pretty slow (especially at 6pm on a Thursday evening) bus link which crawls into the centre of town.

In fact when I searched VRS’s website (the local public transport authority) they suggested that as the bus takes 35 minutes I might have wanted to consider going via Cologne and the train and taking five minutes longer, all for the same price.

I think I know how I’ll be getting back to the airport.

Köln/Bonn isn’t just the name it’s the instructions. To get to Bonn, go via Cologne!